Why does therapy sometimes feel “preachy” or “philosophical”?

“Chinmayee, can you recommend me a therapist who won’t ask me to sit around and meditate, journal or take a walk?” a friend of mine asked sometime back in 2022. It sparked an interesting conversation that led me to realise something: one of the reasons people hesitate to reach out for support is that they find therapy too “preachy” and therapists too “philosophical.” And they’re not entirely wrong. Let me explain.

Therapy is your designated space to own the spotlight. You get to talk about problems through your lens, explain the meaning you’ve been making, and describe the struggles and challenges you encounter when you feel stuck. In a way, the mind believes that it’s all happening to you. Your feelings and experiences are 100% valid, but the meaning you make out of them may not always be accurate and that’s where journaling, sitting with your feelings, and the ABC thought framework come into the picture. When your therapist asks you to sit with your feelings or spend some time in that confused or uneasy state, they’re essentially asking you to slow down and reflect.

Let’s understand one thing—Reflection is different from Rumination. Rumination usually involves getting absorbed in negativity, engaging with irrational thoughts, and feeling more worried at the end of it all. Reflection, on the other hand, invites you to debrief the event, assess what didn’t work and why, and create an overall nurturing environment for growth. When your therapist asks you to “journal your feelings,” they are asking you to think about your emotions through a wider lens by gently challenging your narratives.

A large part of our everyday life involves reacting. How many times have you reacted to a reel even before finishing it? I know I have. I often hear arguments where one person doesn’t even let the other finish a sentence. These moments highlight how spontaneous our reactions can be and how little time we spend actually processing the emotions we feel.

In our daily lives, we also tend to adopt a problem-solving approach. That approach is great for well-defined problems. But what about the ones that can’t be clearly defined? Slow, reflective acts such as finding a label for your emotions or talking about them nudge you to pay attention to the underlying experiences as well.

Your therapist may sometimes take a slightly confrontational approach to point out irrationalities or gaps in your thoughts. You remain the focus, but your ideas may be examined across different contexts. And that’s also one of the reasons why therapy may feel “preachy.”

Therapy does not promise to cure you—because you are not a disease to be cured. You’re not a software program that needs an upgrade once a month. Struggles at work or conflicts with your partner are not going to disappear magically just because you started therapy. After the one hour in session, you still return to the same environment you came from. So the problem may not vanish, but you will have developed a different meaning-making approach that lessens its impact. That new meaning comes from reflection and from conversations about the roles you play, your early experiences, and the environment that shaped you.

The point is: try not to dismiss these activities simply because they sound less fun. I would encourage you to keep an open mind and see where they take you.

Happy Reflecting!